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Coming Back

May 4, 2013

I am feeling like I want to come back to this space again. I’ve missed it.

Here are a list of things:

1. My mom is sick.

2. I had my first kiss when I was sixteen.

3. It was a bad kiss.

4. I was going to make my senior dinner dance dress and even started it and it was horrid. Sparkly red and horrid. My mom didn’t tell me that, instead on a family trip to San Francisco, she took me shopping. I didn’t realize then how bad my dress was. My mom knew. She always knew.

5. I have red hair. I have never dyed it. But I have permed it. When I was younger. Over and over again. It was not good.

6. I am soft right now. Very very soft and I’m trying to be okay with that.

7. My husband is a much better dancer than me.

8. I never thought I was pretty. For a long long time. Then things changed. Right now, even with my softness and my straggly hair and my tired eyes, right now, I feel pretty.

9. But I don’t want anyone to take my picture. So maybe I don’t feel pretty.

10. I wish I could go on teen mom right now. i would show them why they should wait to have a baby. Wait wait wait. It would be convincing.

11. I just had a baby. I love my baby. It’s still hard. So very very hard.

12. Sometimes I cry for no reason but then I think there must be a reason and I think of a hundred reasons but then none of them are THE reason but all of them are part of the reason or maybe there’s no reason.

 

I think that’s all for now. Maybe twelve or less a day. I wish I had a book I couldn’t put down right now. I need one.

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